(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(SCOTT SNORING)
(BRAKES SQUEALING IN DISTANCE)
(SNORING CONTINUES)
(SNORTS)
(GASPS)
Oh, no.
(MOTORCYCLE ENGINE RUMBLING)
J' I said the joker is a wanted man
J' He makes his way all across the land
J' See him sifting through the sand
(HORN BLASTING)
J' He's always laughing in the midst of power
J' Are we living in the final hour?
(TIRES SQUEAL)
Let's go. Come on.
J' So we are not goin' home
J" Can you see the joker flying over
J' As she's standing in a field of clover
J' Watching out every day
J' I wonder what would happen if he took her away
(TIRES SQUEAL)
(LOCK CLICKS)
J' I said the joker is a wanted man
J' He makes his way all across the land
J' See him sifting through the sand
J' So I'll tell you all the story 'bout the joker and the thief
J' I said, I'll tell you all the story 'bout the joker and the thief
(GRUNTING)
J' I said, I'll tell you all about the joker and the thief in the night
(PANTING)
And that is how a baby antelope comes into the world.
The window, obviously, would be...
Oh, hey, Principal Betcher.
The window would be the birth canal,
whereas the whole building,
that... That's your mother right there.
You're late, again.
No, I was just... I was just giving a lesson.
I warned you, if you were late one more time,
I would dock you a vacation day.
You were serious about that?
Oh, yeah, dead serious.
Come on, pal. I was teacher of the year.
That was 1 O years ago.
Feels like eight, though, right?
You got bus duty today.
Today, I can't, 'cause I, you know,
I volunteer down at the youth center.
Not true.
(STUDENTS MURMURING)
Okay.
Everybody, open up your books
to whatever we were working on yesterday.
Yesterday was Sunday.
(STUDENTS LAUGHING)
Just get to work, okay?
(SIGHS)
Mr. Voss?
Mr. Voss, our textbook
says that the discovery of penicillin
was the most important biological discovery
of the 20th century.
But I read online that this actually encourages
more potent strains of infection.
Yeah, that's some very advanced, college-y stuff.
Look, if you're done with your work,
just go sit down and draw on your desk like Martinez.
But I want to know.
Because if the textbook is wrong...
Malia, the chances of you actually using
anything you learn in this class,
probably zero.
And I don't know if you heard Mr. Betcher or not,
but, technically, this is my vacation time now.
So I'm going to shut her down for a few.
(SIGHS)
(STUDENTS LAUGHING)
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
Oh, no, no, no, not today. Not today. Come on.
(PLOPPING)
(CHUCKLING) on.
Bonus.
MARTY: Now, remember, please, listen to each other.
Help each other. Inspire me.
This never happened. We clear?
(ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING)
MARTY: Join in. Be together now.
Here we go!
Second violins, don't overpower the first violins.
That's why you're called "second."
I hear improvement coming in the door.
Nice and subtle.
And you're done. Thank you.
Mr. Streb.
Oh, right, the quote of the day.
I forgot the quote of the day. All right.
I think I'm going to go
with a rock star of philosophers,
Friedrich Nietzsche.
And he said... Dan, drum roll, please.
(DRUM ROLL ENDS)
(STUDENTS LAUGHING)
"Without music, life would be a mistake."
BOY: Nice. (STUDENTS MURMURING)
Who's going to practice? Who's going to...
I don't believe one of you. Get out of here.
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
You were great today.
Mr. Voss.
And what do I owe the pleasure of this visit'?
Oh, the music. I heard the music.
Sounds great. Yeah.
They really bring the heat, these kids, huh?
Listen, I have a huge favor to ask.
I have bus duty, and I was... (CELL PHONE CHIMES)
Okay, hold that thought.
I'm expecting this. This...
See, the thing is, my Aunt Cora,
she threw her hip out again.
I'm so sorry. Yeah, it's nasty.
It's a nasty hip-out thing.
And these pins and rods,
they're not even connected to anything,
they're just loose. And I wouldn't just ask anybody,
but I've seen how you are
with the whole bus safety situation.
You handle it like... I'm not going to...
Yeah, I'm going to say it, you have a gift.
And... ls everything all right'?
You teach biology.
You know the body.
What are the chances of a 48-year-old woman being pregnant?
Well, it depends what she looks like.
I'm just kidding.
That's more of a fertility question.
My wife is pregnant.
No one knows. It's still very early.
Please, please keep this between you and me.
Are you kidding me? That... It goes right in the vault.
That is locked. Locked away. Wow.
Thank you. Thank you.
How old are you?
Old.
Oh. Congrats, right? I mean...
Well, yeah.
It's beautiful.
I mean, my son is 22.
He just finished college.
I thought I was done writing checks.
Yeah.
I'm going to have a baby. Yeah.
(SOBBING) I'm going to have a baby.
Oh, you went low.
Okay. All right.
Wow. And thanks for the bus duty, doing that.
I really appreciate it.
You want the vest on the chair
or just go with the... I'm going to go with the desk.
I'm just going to put it on the desk, okay?
Baby! We're having a baby!
Baby!
Can we take our seats, people?
Come on in. We're about to begin.
Please take your seats.
You believe this guy? All right, we're sitting.
Plenty of seats. Come on in.
How much food do you think is stuck in that beard?
I don't know, but I can see corn from here.
Oh, yeah. You dip that beard in hot water, you got ramen.
Hey, Bella. You know, I waited for you for like three hours.
You waited? Where?
The bowling alley. We had a date.
No, we didn't.
You asked me, and I said no.
No, it went... I said, "if you want to go, just say no,
"and we'll both know it's code for yes."
You didn't really go, did you?
I did. I waited for two hours.
You said three.
Yeah, but, you know,
actually, it's pretty hard to see your watch
when you've been crying.
Okay, giving you one last chance here.
You've already given me 15 last chances, Scott.
How about this? I swing by...
No.
0 for 16.
(CLEARS THROAT) Hello ?
Thank you, everyone.
As several of you already know,
Wilkinson High School has been operating
at a budget deficit for several years.
Assistant Principal Elkins and I have already conferred
with your union to try to minimize the impact
on the classrooms, but, unfortunately,
I have to make some serious cuts.
Starting immediately, we'll be freezing all supplies,
and, unfortunately, we have to roll back to last year's pay scales.
(TEACHERS GROANING)
Joke's on him. I didn't get a raise this year anyway.
Me, either.
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
Also, despite best efforts,
we are cutting all extracurricular activities,
which includes the debate club,
the music program,
the annual senior class field trip...
Excuse me?
You're talking about cutting the music program?
You're actually going to cut music?
I'm sorry. We simply don't have the funds.
No, wait a minute, Mr. Betcher.
We're talking about Marty's job here.
How about all the money we raised
in the car wash or the silent auction?
Miss Flores, after expenses, we only netted $750.
It's a drop in the bucket.
"Verbis defectis musica incipit. "
That's Latin for, "Music takes us where word cannot."
I mean, what about the athletic program'?
Those football players, they get new jerseys every year.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Are you trying to equate your music program with the football team?
Are you aware that the Booster Club alone
accounts for one-third of our charitable donations?
This is a budget question.
And I just need a little bit of that budget.
I've got 60 kids with dented instruments.
Marty, what's your point?
MARTY: Music helps the kids with...
With math. The kids... The kids don't raise money.
This is about a budget. Well, I...
I know how important... You don't know.
Take a seat.
Come on. Why don't you just take it easy on the guy?
Excuse me ?
Let it go. Let it go.
Just back off him, and let's move on already.
Why don't you not tell me how to do my job?
Okay, and then why don't you tell him the truth?
This is how we got thrown out of softball.
Oh, and what would that be?
That you're cutting the music program so he loses tenure.
(SCOFFING) That is ridiculous.
You are wasting everyone's time.
Really? You know what? You're wasting my time.
Okay, how does a day without pay sound?
Bring it.
Really?
That's how you show your power'?
You already docked me a vacation day.
Oh! Oh, so... So that's what this is all about? Hmm?
The decision's been made.
Yeah, well, every time you make a decision, you know what,
you mess with somebody's life.
You know what? You have just crossed the line.
No, I'll tell you what's crossing the line,
firing a man who's having a baby.
(WHIMPERS) (TEACHERS MURMURING)
They don't know that I'm talking about you necessarily.
WOMAN: Congratulations.
Stop looking at me. They know it's you now.
He's having a baby.
Scott, you're talking about a lot of money.
Money the school just doesn't have.
A lot of money? Really?
How much could it possibly cost?
$48, 000.
(TEACHERS MURMURING)
So, as I was saying,
we have no choice but to make these cuts.
Yeah, or raise the money.
Oh, and who's going to do that?
We will.
(MOUTHING) Thank you.
I couldn't sleep a wink last night.
My mind was racing.
And I bought you a coffee.
Oh, and I spoke to Elkins, and he said we have to have
the money in by the end of the school year, okay'?
But then I made some fliers,
and I thought we would all meet...
All the teachers at 5:00 this afternoon,
and you can give us your game plan.
Game plan? Yeah.
I'm still kind of sorting through everything.
That's great.
So, what do you think about this?
I thought I would start out talking
about how important music really is,
and then I would tell some stories.
Like, did you know that Ravel liked to dress up like a lady'?
(LAUGHS)
(STAMMERS)
Is that too risqué'?
You know, I think we should probably just wing it.
Okay, but you know what? I have to thank you again.
I was driving in this morning.
I heard I Won't Back Down by Tom Petty, and I said,
"Yes, that is a sign."
Wow, are you solid.
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING) Okay.
Okay. Okay. 5:00.
What's going on? Where is everybody?
Well, the meeting doesn't start till 5:00.
It's 5:15.
Well, then you're late, like everybody else.
Where do you think they are?
Am I at the right place? MARTY: Yes.
You are, absolutely.
Thank you so much for coming, Miss Flores.
Are you kidding me? Of course, Marty.
You know what I'm going to do?
I think I'm going to go round up the other teachers.
They got to be somewhere.
Maybe they thought it was in the cafeteria.
I think I saw some people there.
Yes. I'm going to try the cafeteria.
I'm feeling good about this.
(DOOR OPENS)
There's no one in the cafeteria, is there'?
Just that janitor that talks to himself.
I guess it was unrealistic
to think that anybody would show up
when everybody has their own problems.
You showed up.
You shut up.
I said, "You showed up."
Oh. I guess I'm unrealistic.
But I got to say, it's really nice
what you're doing for Marty.
Well, we tried, you know. I mean, what are you going to do?
What are you talking about?
You can't give up on him now.
He's so passionate about what he does.
This school needs more people like him, not less.
Yeah, no, no, I know, that's what...
No, I'm saying that's what we got to do.
We got to find a way to make this thing work,
and we got to stick at it.
So, what exactly is the plan?
(SIGHS) Well, first off, we got to get $48,000.
That's a definite.
Then we should probably help save Marty's job after that.
Wow. I can see that you put a lot of thought into it.
Well, how about this? How about we work out a plan,
but we do it in a controlled area,
which is my apartment,
and we put up charts and...
With the graphs and the colored pencils.
But we have a plan, we go, "We got to get to here by then."
Not a chance.
Okay, you're making me work at this.
I understand. I get it.
What if I dunk this ball in that hoop,
then you have dinner with me at my house Friday night?
What do you say? (CHUCKLES)
You dunk a basketball?
Please.
Fine. Then take the bet.
Deal.
Where are you going?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Come on, that's cheating.
Oh, no, it's not.
That's... No, that's not what I...
Your dreams are about to come true.
Nightmares.
(THUD ECHOING)
(BALL BOUNCING)
(GROANING) O for 17.
(CHILDREN YELLING)
I'll tell you, this chili is amazing, guy.
It's got an incredible kick.
Eight alarms, guy. Eight.
You made this?
Wait till you see what kind of dreams you have tonight.
So, listen, you really have no extra work?
I mean, power-washing, painting, anything.
I'll take anything.
No, no one's hiring right now.
I had to lay off two guys myself.
Bobby Denisi just lost his house.
LAUREN: Eric, tell Mary Shannon
to get off the freaking phone!
Mary Shannon, get off the freaking phone!
LAUREN: I could have done that!
Well, then why didn't you?
Man, she's so lazy.
Yeah. l wish I could help you out,
but... Hey, buddy?
What are you trying to accomplish here'?
I got it, okay?
LAUREN: And where the heck is Peter?
He was supposed to be in the tub 10 minutes ago!
I don't know. Can't find him.
Dad, can I watch The World's Deadliest Car Chases?
How old are you? Five.
Five. I don't know. What do you think?
No. No.
Sorry, buddy.
Go upstairs, take a bath.
Found him!
WOMAN ON TV: ...425 degrees
for about an hour and 15 minutes until it's just perfectly...
(SIREN WAILING)
Hey-
If you need me to front you a couple hunnies, I can do that.
I got some money stacked away that she don't know about.
Look, I appreciate it, but I need a lot more than that.
You know what we could do?
We could bet a five-game parlay and take those winnings
right to the Indian casino.
Mom, Dad's betting again!
All right, guess who's not getting a hamster.
What about that
citizenship class you used to teach at night?
Nah, that was so brutal.
I don't even know if they're hiring.
No, no, you just relax, you know.
I got all the kids, okay, Eric?
Good, honey. I had a tough day.
All right.
I'm tired anyway.
You, middle one, upstairs now.
Hey, and stop putting Raisinets up your brother's nose, okay'?
GIRL: Dad says it's funny.
LAUREN: What are you doing?
You're sitting there.
You haven't taken a shower.
You disgust me.
Mission accomplished. Pig.
Ostrich.
(SIGHS)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ON TV)
AN NOU NC ER: Now, 10-car pileup.
(TIRES SQUEAL AND LOUD CRASH)
Okay, question number three, "Women such as Susan B. Anthony
"fought for suffrage and were finally successful in 1920."
What does "suffrage" mean?
(GROUP TALKING IN UNISON) What's that?
GROUP: ...to accept the things I cannot change...
Okay, you know what? That's the AA meeting next door.
You know what, let's let them
finish up the Serenity Prayer.
(CLEARS THROAT)
GROUP: ...accepting hardship as a pathway to peace.
He will make all things right if I surrender to his will.
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy in the next.
Living one day at a time...
SCOTT: Right, one day at a time. Good for them.
Okay, so "suffrage", what does it mean?
Miguel.
To be in pain?
No. Okay, you know what, that's "suffering."
"No, that's 'suffering."' Okay, no, you know what?
No, we're not repeating today, Muba.
Thank you.
Sorry. It's fine.
We're just not doing it today.
We're just gonna do it a couple times as a study aid.
Sorry. It's okay, it's fine.
No, "suffrage" is the right to do something.
The right to not feel pain.
No.
Okay, look, we covered this for, like, 45 minutes.
You guys remember Monday? You guys remember Monday'?
When we went over this for, like, 45...
The whole class dedicated to this. You don't...
"Suffrage" has nothing to do with pain. No pain.
No pain, no gain?
Okay, we're off track.
We are definitely off track here.
The right to vote?
SCOTT: I'm sorry, you got something to say?
Niko. But forget it.
I'm sure it's wrong. Please, look, there are
no wrong answers here, people. You know what?
I'm gonna stop right there 'cause there are obviously a lot of wrong answers,
but there are a couple wrong answers, but...
It's okay, there are.
But let's give it a shot anyway.
The right to vote?
Yes! There . y?
You know what, "suffrage" is the right to elect leaders.
You understand, right, Miguel?
I do, I do.
Okay, good.
Mr. Voss! Mr. Voss.
Can I talk to you'?
Sure, what's up'?
I always try to be a good student.
But when it comes to taking tests,
I get all clenched in the tight spot.
If I fail this citizenship test,
they'll send me back to Holland.
And things here are just starting to twist.
I'm sorry, is that good? I don't even...
Oh, yeah, yeah. Twisting is good.
So, I was wondering,
is there any way you can give me a little extra help?
Extra help?
Yeah, you know what, I kind of got,
like, a full plate right now.
I can't, I'm sorry. Yeah.
All right.
Thank you. Thank you.
Niko!
I'll move some things around and maybe we can sit down later tonight, all right?
(LAUGHS)
You are the best!
(SPEAKING DUTCH)
Oh, thank you! Thank you very much!
(GRUNTING)
(SINGING IN DUTCH)
All right. You can stop that now.
Yeah, all right.
Yeah, we're good. We're good.
(DOOR BUZZES)
There he is!
Hey! How are you?
Good.
Oh, thanks for doing this, buddy. Sure.
Scott, meet Koen and Nard.
Koen, Nard, this is Scott.
Hey, GUYS-
Oh, close the door, before the ferret gets out.
The ferret, the ferret.
Okay, okay.
(FERRET CHITTERING)
Hang your coat right there.
Okay.
JOE ON TV: He has no weaknesses.
He has incredible knockout power...
Wow, you used to fight, huh?
NIKO: Yeah. Long time ago.
Now I just teach Mixed Martial Arts at my gym.
Should we study or...
Oh, yeah! Right after we watch UFC.
Come on, sit down.
(ON TV) Hi, again, everybody. I'm Mike Goldberg.
Welcome once again to the Ultimate Fighting Championship.
Since the first day he entered the Octagon,
we knew Ken Dietrich was something special.
My partner as always, Joe Rogan.
Man, what an exciting match up this is.
Incredible match up, you know, for a bunch of reasons.
(BOTH SPEAKING DUTCH)
(SPEAKING DUTCH)
You hold for bets.
(SPEAKING DUTCH)
MIKE ON TV: Ken Dietrich, Brian Stann, here we go!
(MEN SPEAKING EXCITEDLY m DUTCH)
JOE: Straight left by Dietrich.
He's jumping all over Stann.
He should just double-leg him, take him down.
Did you ever fight?
No, no, I wrestled in college.
That guy's a wrestler. Wrestlers make great fighters.
JOE: And Dietrich jumps all over him again.
He's got the takedown! ALL: Oh!
You called it!
Ooh, twisty!
Twisty! Twisty!
Twisty.
JOE: And he has that nasty shoulder-lock.
MIKE: And it is all over!
(CROWD CHEERING)
Ken Dietrich, the Executioner!
Sorry, Koen.
Ah! He took his 10 grand and ran off like
a Shetland pony!
Ten grand... He made 10 grand for that fight'?
Yep. But he lost.
Yeah, if he won, it would've been 50.
Okay, next fight.
(BOTH SPEAKING DUTCH)
Mixed Martial Arts?
Do you even know how to do that?
No. No, I do not.
This is crazy.
Look, I saw this UFC event last night,
and the guy got paid 10 grand to fight, and he lost.
I was a really good wrestler in college. I think I can do this.
Do what?
Lose.
You cannot do this.
Marty, look, we only have until the end of the school year
to save your job. Come on! Night school.
Oh, great, yeah, between what I make there
and what you make with your private lessons,
we'll save the music program in 18 years.
This is the best chance you got.
Okay.
Okay, if you're gonna lose, then I'm gonna help you lose.
Deal?
Deal.
Let's do this. Let's lose.
SCOTT: Unfortunately, today is gonna be my last day.
But don't worry, next week,
you're gonna be in great hands with a new teacher,
and he's gonna be...
But you are new?
Yes, I am new.
But this guy, he's even newer. Understand?
So, you are not new'?
No, I am new, okay...
I'm so confused. I don't...
Okay, we're going off the rails again here.
Okay, listen, everybody. Here's the point.
Next week, lam not gonna be here. I will be gone.
But I wanted to say to you guys good luck and...
You know what? Welcome to America in advance.
Yeah, that's how confident I am in you.
Live the dream.
Make it happen.
So, thank you and good night.
Okay? (CLASS MURMURING)
So, I'm citizen?
Man, I can't believe you would quit on me like this.
I'm citizen.
You know how important this is to me.
Niko, relax. I got it all worked out.
But I need to ask you something.
Okay!
Here's the thing. I need money
to save a friend's job, a lot of money.
Okay, and as crazy as it sounds,
I want to fight Mixed Martial Arts, but I need your help.
I want you to train me.
You're kidding?
No, I can do this. You're too old!
And on top of that, you have no experience.
But there are guys that run marathons well into their 80s.
Not when they're being punched in the face.
Come on, you said it yourself, wrestlers make great fighters.
And you know, when I was younger, I took judo.
I mean, it was only for three and a half weeks.
I had to stop 'cause my sensei got accepted into dental school.
But he said I had wicked potential, man.
There's no way you can fight.
And that's the end of it.
Okay, great.
What time are we studying tonight?
You just quit!
Look, you don't want to train me, that's fine.
But we started this thing and we're not gonna stop
until you're a citizen, okay?
(SIGHS)
Okay. You want to be a fighter?
You start in the cage.
There's a small-time show this weekend.
I'll get you in.
Wait a second, no. Fight right away'?
Shouldn't we train first?
No! Trial by fire, baby!
I'm a citizen.
You made my dream come true.
Miguel...
I'm going to name my boy after you.
His name is Sergio,
but I'm going to switch it up.
That's nice, Miguel.
Let's slow things down a second, okay?
And let's take a little walk and talk.
Something wrong? Maybe.
MARTY: Ow!
0w!
Come on, I got to do this.
I know. Okay, okay.
Oh!
Okay, hold it for a minute.
This is a terrible mattress. I'm feeling everything.
This is ridiculous.
I'm not gonna learn any of this stuff.
I'm telling you, I'm just gonna wrestle.
I'm gonna take it to the ground.
It's my world. Your world?
Your world is gonna be destroyed
by people who know multiple disciplines.
The fight's in two days. What am I gonna learn'?
It is what it is.
I got it.
I know exactly what you have to do.
You're gonna beat your opponent
before the match ever starts.
You're gonna learn the ancient art of intimidation.
You ever actually been in a fight?
No. Well, none with a boy, anyway.
But I know this is gonna work.
Okay, so based on your limited experience fighting girls,
how?
Music.
You're gonna be inspired by music.
That's why all the gladiators entered the Colosseum
with all that thundering music.
Actually, they do that in the UFC.
Exactly.
And you're gonna follow in the footsteps
of all those great warriors.
Every one of them had a distinctive musical theme
that put fear in the hearts of their opponents,
which rendered them defeated
even before their match began.
I got it. You could enter with Pachelbel.
No, I know what I'm doing. With Bach.
I don't need that. It's gonna be... I have it.
Don't... Mozart's 35th in D Major.
Listen to me. I'm picking the song!
Of course you are.
(CROWD CHEERING)
(MEN GRUNTING)
Good evening, sir. This is Scott Voss.
He's fighting tonight.
Change behind the tarp.
Yeah. We were just hoping that there would be some place private,
you know, where he could have a modicum of privacy...
(SCOTT STAMMERS)
No, no, no, I'm doing this for you.
I appreciate it... It's embarrassing.
Yes, it is. We're gonna move. We're gonna move.
Okay. Thank you, sir.
Wow.
This place is unique.
(CHICKEN CLUCKING)
Is that a chicken?
(MEN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
This looks like a Civil War hospital.
Lookie, look who showed up.
You're not as smart as I thought you were.
Look, I knew this wasn't gonna be the UFC,
but I'm 80% sure I saw a chick... I think it was a chicken.
Was it a chicken? Chicken.
It's 100%... That's a chicken right there.
Look at that, that's a farm chicken.
They're filthy animal... Is that even...
Is it sanctioned here?
Hey, this is bottom-level MMA.
No, but I want to be clean.
You ready? You better be, because you're next.
You ready to do this?
Yeah.
ANNOUNCER: Making his MMA debut...
What are you doing?
Don't you worry about it.
AN NO U NC ER: ...from Hyde Park, Massachusetts,
please welcome Scott Voss!
(CROWD CHEERING)
Watch this.
Intimidation!
SCOTT: Yeah!
(BOOM PLAYING)
Yeah!
(WHOOPING)
(CROWD CHEERING)
J' I see you smiling at me
J' Well, it's all right It's all right
J' Boom! Here comes the boom!
J' Ready or not Here comes the boys from the South
J' Boom! Here comes the boom!
J' Ready or not
Yeah! Whoo!
MAN: Get in the cage, you Vike geek!
Whoo!
J' Me and my crew We stay true, old school or new
J' Many were called, but the chosen are few
J' We rise to the top What you want? Just in case you forgot
J' Rush the stage Grab my mike, show me what you got
J' You didn't know Thought we was new on the scene
J' Well, it's all right It's all right
Come on, guys, you ready?
One second, okay'?
J' Boom! Here comes the boom!
J' Ready or not Here comes the boys from the South
J' Boom! Here comes the boom!
J' Ready or not
J' How you like me now? J'
Ready? Ready?
Fight!
(CROWD GROANS)
J' Boom! Here comes the boom!
J' Ready or not Here comes the boys from the South
J' Boom! Here comes the boom!
J' Ready or not
J' How you like me now? J'
SCOTT: I like your hair up like that.
Cute.
But I know it could come down, too.
It'd be all... I know, I'm just saying.
Is this the best plan you could come up with'?
Fighting in a cage?
What kind of an example are you setting for these kids?
Hold this.
As much as I enjoyed
teaching future Americans for eight bucks an hour,
it wasn't getting the job done.
You smell really good, by the way...
(GROANS) Gee whiz, what's with the...
You're like this.
You're like that on me.
Just put a Band-Aid on it.
Come on, Scott. You and I both know this is crazy.
What would I say to Marty?
He'll understand.
He saw you get knocked out cold.
I wasn't out cold, all right?
I was half in, half out.
Mmm.
Although I did see a unicorn.
I was riding it.
(SIGHS)
Please. Okay.
I'll talk to him.
Kiss? Want a kiss?
Nothing? No.
(KNOCKING)
Hi, can I help you?
You must be Mollie.
Hi, I'm Scott Voss. I work with Marty.
And I didn't see him after school,
and I was wondering if he's around.
No, he had a private lesson.
But he should be home any minute.
Here. Please, come in.
Thanks so much. Yeah.
You're welcome.
Oh, it is such a mess.
I am so embarrassed.
Marty's instruments are everywhere.
Let me pick up a couple things here.
We're turning the music room into a nursery.
I can't believe I just said that.
I'm expecting.
No one knows yet.
Please, don't tell anyone.
We're really... It's just too early right now.
Say no more.
Believe me, I didn't... What baby, right?
I didn't even know, you know.
That goes right in the vault, by the way,
and it's like a, it's like a vault,
locked down, Fort Knox or some sort of prison.
Great. Thank you.
Wow, does he play all these?
Oh, no.
He buys them off the Internet
and garage sales, and he fixes them up
for students who can't afford them.
Oh, man.
Just sucks what's happening at school, doesn't it?
What do you mean? What's happening at the school?
He didn't tell you?
No. ls there something wrong that's going on at the school?
No, no, nothing bad at all.
Last week, they installed a metal detector
in the teachers' lounge, 'cause...
Really? Yeah.
Because a teacher had flashed a piece, you know'?
Oh. Yeah.
So now it just takes long...
You know, you can't get in and out anymore.
What happened to your eye?
I cut myself shaving.
I was shaving my eyebrows.
I do. On the weekends.
I'm gonna get going...
Well, is there a message I can give him for you?
You know what? No.
Thank you. Okay. Great.
It was nice meeting you. Nice meeting you.
(SIGHS)
Tell Betcher not to cut anything.
We're saving Marty's job.
That's 750.
That's the first installment right there.
Scott? Yeah?
You know I'm on your side on this, right?
Yeah.
I played French horn in the marching band.
I loved wearing that big hat, shiny white spats,
the smell of the grass.
Those were some good times.
Okay.
Excuse me, is there a Niko here?
Fourth floor.
(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)
And knee. And up. And knee.
And up. And knee. And up.
Grab him and head-butt.
Knee to the face, knee to the face and throw him back.
Stomp.
NIKO: Victory dance!
Oh, victory dance!
Run, run, run, run...
Hey!
No pain, no gain!
Victory dance,
victory dance... (MIGUEL LAUGHS)
And stop!
Worthy attack, everybody!
(CLASS CHEERING)
That's right! Thank you!
Thanks for coming, ladies and gentlemen. Scott!
Hey. How you doing, buddy?
I thought you said you owned an MMA gym.
No, no, no, no.
I said I taught MMA at a gym.
Oh. Well, that wasn't MMA though, right?
No, that was Disco Street Fighting.
Don't worry, with you, we're gonna do the real stuff.
(POPPING TONGUE)
(IMITATES CHOKING)
That's what we're gonna try.
Let's go. I have a spin class in an hour.
Okay.
Let's work on some takedown defense.
I wrestled, I think I know how to stop a shot.
Ding, ding, boom, boom, elbow, elbow, boom!
Liver shot, bang,bang,bang!
Oh! Knockout blow.
You got the point.
We need to keep you out of dangerous situations.
Now, to escape the Rear-Naked Choke,
you want to break the grip,
pull the arm down and move to the side.
Escape.
No, don't squirm.
That just helps me sink it in tighter.
(GROANING)
Arm bar. Escape.
(EXHALES)
Escape!
Wrong way, wrong way. Too late.
(GROANING)
Okay, you're vulnerable like a puppy.
Yeah, that's 'cause I let you get into position.
It's easy. I could do the same thing to you
if I got you in a hold.
Good point. Yeah.
I'm out.
I'm free.
(G ROANS)
I'm bored.
I'm late for my class.
We're just gonna have to wing it.
All right, ladies.
Let's get those legs warmed up.
(WOMEN CHEERING) (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, introducing the principals-
First, from Jamaica, Queens, New York,
here's Ragin' Rafael Romero!
(CHEERING)
MAN: Romero!
No helmet?
Hey, it's okay to be afraid.
Don't worry. Use it.
Try to channel it into focus.
That last knockout, never happened.
Three migraines a week say you're wrong.
Hey, you got to... You got to stop this. Why?
Either dig in or call it a day.
No, no, I'm loosening you up. No, you're not.
You're rubbing me like you're putting on sunscreen.
Get off!
It is weird.
Okay. I thought I was doing the right thing.
And now, my friends, let's meet his opponent here at the pier.
This young man is from Boston, Massachusetts.
He has a record of zero victories
and one defeat by knockout.
MMA fans, here he is.
Let's hear it for Scott Voss!
Here we go. Here we go. Okay, let's go.
Come on. Let's go. You can do this.
(BOOM PLAYING)
Block those knees, Scott!
Block them! Block them!
Pull him in close!
Time-out! Time-out!
What time-out? Time-out?
There's no time-outs, guy.
Come on, let's go.
(GRUNTS)
Put your hands up! Come on, defense!
(HORN BLOWS)
(CROWD GROANING)
Wait! He kicked him in the bells!
Ref, take a point!
(GROANING)
Would you come on?
Man, are you okay?
He just kicked my left nut into my throat.
(G ROANS)
Where's my stool?
What stool? You're in charge of the stool.
We didn't have a stool last fight.
I didn't make it out of the first round last fight.
I'm a little confused about my job description.
I'm a music teacher. I don't know the rules.
I can't do this.
What are you doing? You can't lay down. Get up.
I'm exhausted.
Yeah, that's exactly the message you're sending him.
Hey, you can't lay down, man.
Can you continue'?
He's fine. Hey, I'm talking to him.
All right, let's go, fella.
Get up, Scott.
It's so soft down here.
So soft. (HORN BLOWS)
Okay, remember... Defense.
All right, I heard you already.
Next time, bring the stool.
Okay, okay.
All right, we're ready now? Come on, Scott.
You ready?
Let's do it! Come on!
Defense!
Watch out!
Keep those hands up!
Put your hands up! Hands up, man!
Hands up!
Yeah, he's not listening. Hello!
I'm talking here!
Watch out!
(GRUNTING)
Nice job! Okay, there you go.
Pull him in close.
Okay, that's right, push him away.
Don't look at me. Look at him!
(CROWD GROANING) (HORN BLOWS)
Listen to me. You're giving him too much space.
To take away his power, you have to keep it in a clinch.
Got it? I'm trying.
Defense.
Stay strong, Scott.
One more round.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
(RAIN PATTERING)
(CROWD GROANING)
(CROWD MURMURING)
Okay, it's raining. It's over.
No, it's not. This isn't baseball.
You fight! This is stupid.
(HORN BLOWS)
Fighter, are you ready?
Are you ready, chief?
I got to be honest, I'm really not.
I'm out. I'm out. Yeah, yeah, he's ready.
(SCOTT MUMBLES)
It'll blow over.
REFEREE: All right!
Let's fight!
(THUNDER CRASHES)
Perfect.
Jump on him! Jump on him!
Use the fact that you're slippery now!
Don't let him take you down.
Okay, get away. Get away.
(CROWD SHOUTING)
Oh, come on!
Swim! Swim away, Scott!
Get over there! Get over there! (HORN BLOWS)
(LAUGHING)
(BOTH LAUGHING)
All right, pencils down, people.
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
Let's go. Hand them in.
Let's get them up.
Let's go. Let's bring it in.
Really? Really? You don't even...
That's how you do it?
Malia. Yeah?
You missed, like, three answers here.
Come on. What's going on? You're smarter than me.
(SOBBING)
Hey, what's the...
What's the matter?
My father is making me quit music.
What?
But why?
He said I have to work in his restaurant.
I mean, he doesn't understand.
When I moved here, I didn't know English.
I had to learn everything all over again, you know'?
So I used songs and stuff to learn.
Besides Filipino,
the only language I knew was music.
It helps me remember.
If that makes sense.
Malia, it makes perfect sense.
I don't want to quit it.
Then you got to tell him that.
Look, you know what you do?
You tell him your teacher won't let you quit.
He thinks school is just a waste of time.
But it's not.
Come on, Mr. Voss.
You said it yourself.
Learning this stuff doesn't matter.
L I got to go.
SCOTT: Okay, what are the three branches of government?
Three branches? All right, three branches.
Yeah. I got this. Don't tell me.
Oh, hey, you got to eat.
You have an hour before the fight.
Oh. Hey, you got my oatmeal?
I do.
The thing is that it's not here.
It's in my classroom right next to my briefcase.
Three branches... The legal, the...
No, no, no, no, no, don't count that.
Wait, wait, you forgot my oatmeal?
Well, I brought the stool.
I got to eat, man.
Well, we can swing back.
No. Hey, stop it. We don't have time now.
You said branches, right?
Yeah, three branches of government.
What am I going to do here? I got to eat something.
Oh, you know what?
I have applesauce I made.
You see it back there, Niko'?
It's on the back. Yeah, yeah, got it.
Come on, three branches of government, buddy.
Do not throw away that Tupperware.
I'm not going to throw away the Tupperware, okay?
Is there cinnamon in this?
No.
Ooh! I got it.
Democrat, Republican and Libertarian.
Not even close.
NIKO: No!
(CHEERING)
NIKO: Okay, last fight was better.
You lost, but you didn't get hurt.
So, remember, the word of the day, defense.
Close the gap, and if he shoots...
Hips down. Keep your hips down.
That's right.
All right, here we go.
(BOOM PLAYING) Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.
They didn't come for us yet.
Let me see what's going on.
Hips down.
Yeah. NIKO: Nope.
This isn't you.
What do you mean, this isn't me?
This is my song.
This is him. It's his song.
Hey, he's got the same song.
(CHEERING)
J' ...but she was born in my town
J' You didn't know Thought we was new on the scene
J' Well, it's all right It's all right
J' I know you know I see you smilin' at me (GRUNTS)
J' Well, it's all right It's all right
Boom!
J' Here comes the boom!
Wow. He's good.
J' Boom! Here comes the boom! J'
Whoo! (LAUGHS)
I don't believe this.
He stole my song. I bring the boom!
Well, tonight, he's bringing the boom.
Look, we both can't have the same song.
Come on, we got to get ready, guys.
No, no, you gotta get me another song.
What? Go, please,
go tell them to play another song.
Get you another song.
What? I need a song.
(GASPS) I got it.
Yeah?
Congress, Senate and State.
(LAUGHS)
Okay, again, not close.
All right, can we stick a pin in this, please?
I know! I'm sorry, but we didn't study last night.
I'm falling behind.
(BLUE-EYED GOSPEL MUSIC PLAYING)
(PANTING)
What the heck is this?
Holly Holy, Neil Diamond.
Went platinum in 1969.
Who cares?
Excuse me. I do.
It got me through a very difficult time.
It sounds like a revival.
Yeah. Blue-eyed gospel.
Extremely intricate genre.
(SIGHS)
it picks up.
Come on. Okay, we got to go.
Let's go.
J' Sing it strong
J' Sing, sing, sing J'
Yeah!
All right, it's Scott!
It's Scott. Oh, he's in the house!
Yeah! Scott Voss!
Hey! Hey! Whoo!
Stand up!
Scott, he's a killer!
Everybody UP!
It's the Scott Man!
Yeah. It's happening! Yeah!
He's going to kick 'em.
Oh, he's fierce.
(GROWLING)
Here we go! Yay!
(YELLING)
No, no! Defense!
Come on, now!
NIKO: Come on, Scott!
(GRUNTING)
Don't grab the fence!
I'm not even grabbing the fence!
NIKO: Keep your hands up!
Ow! Tie him up!
Come on, Scott! Keep your hands up!
Come on, get up! Get up, get up, get up!
Getup! Getup! Get up!
Go! Defense!
Now hit him! (GROANS)
0w!
Oh.
Fight it! Come on.
MARTY: Oh. Oh.
Defense, buddy!
Come on!
Lock the elbows.
Ten seconds, Scott. Ten seconds.
Watch the Kimura. (GROANING)
Watch the Kimura. Watch... That's illegal.
It's legal. It's legal. Sorry.
Okay, watch it. Get out of it.
Fight it. Fight n. (GROANING)
(HORN BLOWS) All right, that's enough.
Saved by the bell.
Come on, come on. Let's go.
Sit down.
Just relax. Relax.
Oh, my gosh. My shoulder.
What are you doing?
Stick to the game plan.
I'm sick of the game plan, okay'?
I'm sick of defense. I...
Listen to me.
If you get caught, you're done.
We have a lot more fights.
(HORN BLOWS) Oh, man.
Tie this guy up.
Protect yourself.
Okay. Yeah.
Are you ready? Are you ready?
Fight!
MARTY: All right, Scott, this is your round!
NIKO: Oh! Get your hands up!
Tie him up, Scott!
Keep your hands up!
Come on, close the gap, buddy!
Come on, Scott. Tie him up!
(LAUGHING)
(CHEERING)
That just happened! That just happened!
Yeah! Yeah!
You did it!
You! You the man!
Yeah!
Yeah! We won!
Hey, man, great fight.
(CROWD GROANING) (SCOTT COUGHING)
I'm so sorry.
(CROWD GROANING)
(RETCHES)
Who leaves applesauce
on the rear dash, out in the hot sun?
You know, better question,
who among us who isn't Amish makes their own applesauce'?
Yes. Yes.
Mistakes were made.
But... We won.
We did it. MARTY: Huh?
We won. We won.
NIKO: Mmm-hmm. We did.
Yeah. Yeah! We won.
We won! We did it.
(HOLLY HOLY PLAYING ON STEREO)
It's unbelievable!
(WHOOPING)
Yeah!
(ALL WHOOPING AND YELLING)
SCOTT: Oh, careful, Niko!
I'm sore! I'm sore!
(LAUGHING) Oh, my God.
Oh, here he comes. Here he comes.
Okay, everybody, just take your seats.
(STUDENTS LAUGHING)
Can you keep it down'?
(STUDENTS LAUGHING)
(WHISPERING) Malia.
Just come here.
What's going on?
You're famous.
What?
Everybody in the music department is talking about it.
(STUDENTS LAUGHING)
Mr. Streb told us that you were doing this for us.
And I got to say, you're a hero.
Hero?
(SIGHS)
BELLA: It's not sprained. It's just a bruise.
Good, 'cause I gotta fight tomorrow.
I'm going to have to start charging you.
So,
how much money have you made so far'?
Three grand.
I'm definitely going to have to start charging you.
Speaking of which...
What's this?
$72 from my bake sale.
I had to do something.
This is amazing. Thank you.
I got to give it to you. It's been a long time
since I felt any kind of energy in this school.
Yeah?
Yeah. I don't understand how we got so far off track.
We?
It's not our fault. It's the system.
(GROANS) Go easy.
Oh, so it's the system
that's creating teachers who just don't care.
Oh, come on. You know the deal.
You can't speed up to help the gifted kids.
You can't slow down to help the slower ones.
It's about moving cattle through, you know'?
It's a numbers game.
That's what they want, but what about you?
Yeah, look, there was a time
I couldn't wait for the school year to start.
I was like a... A freshman decorating my dorm.
You know, I'd put posters up all over the place
and I'd set up these plastic models.
No, you didn't. I did! I would jump up
on the desk just to get the kids into it.
It was so stupid.
No, it's not.
I think I would have liked you better when you were that stupid.
All right, well, look, I need to repay you
for all this right here,
and I think this equals dinner at my house on Friday.
No, I don't think so.
Why do you always turn me down?
Do you know there's a lunch lady who's got the hots for me?
And I'm just telling you, I can only hold her off for so long.
Do you even know that every time
you've asked me out,
you've done it from a seated position'?
You don't even make an effort to get up.
That's because we're so comfortable together.
I think, when it's easy, it's right, you know?
Good-bye, Scott. All right.
(G ROANS)
How about a little jambalaya?
What do you think? Oh, I get nothing? All right.
Okay, push now. Blocking fast, like, lower.
Here, over here. That's good. See'?
There. Little lower.
Just block lower, man.
All right, hey. All right, come on, man.
This is still defense.
I want to start working on my offense.
It's too dangerous. I won!
You landed a lucky shot.
All right, look.
I know you don't want me getting hurt. I get that.
But I made twice as much money my last fight.
I don't think my body can take 30 more fights.
Yeah.
I'm just saying, if I could actually win a few more, I could fight less.
Yeah. Yeah, you're right.
Okay. Well, then you need to get good at striking.
Fast. Yes.
I know the best guy for that, but...
He probably won't take you.
MAN: This isn't you learning anything.
This isn't me teaching you anything.
This is me seeing if you're worth my time.
Is it hot in here?
I cranked the heat to 90.
This way, you get a nice sweat going.
You good with that? Oh, yeah, no.
Really brings out the smell of the place. Oh, yeah. Good.
Which guy am I fighting?
Both.
Come on, I can't fight two guys.
That's perfect.
I can't train a 42-year-old biology teacher.
Your boy is good, but he's got no offense, man.
You know, he's a wrestler,
and he picks up fast, and he's tough.
They're all smiling. Everybody's smiling and happy.
(G ROANS)
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(GROANING)
Mel, time to eat. Go have some fun.
Whoa. This is going to be funny.
Boom!
Three? Really?
Hey, am I good outside? I'm parked outside here.
Yeah, you got two hours.
Yeah? All right.
(GRUNTING)
Yeah, those are hits.
(PANTING)
Come on, give him a break.
All right, boys, that's good.
(PANTING)
I'm good, man. Let's go.
Come on.
NIKO: Boom, there we go.
(LAUGHTER)
Guys.
Hey, guys, guys, listen up.
Listen up. I got something to say.
From Genesis 32:24.
"And when he saw, he prevailed
"not against him."
Jacob was tough, man.
He wrestled all night with God at Peniel.
He was tired, he was beaten.
He had a dislocated hip.
But he refused to submit.
By sunrise, he had won the Lord's respect.
Well, tonight, Scott...
Oh, yeah.
...you earned our respect.
And then some.
I just want you to know I got your back.
NIKO: Whoop, whoop, whoop! Salud.
(SPEAKING DUTCH)
Let's eat, boys.
That Superman Punch, Mel, that was awesome.
Yeah, that was crazy.
What's the matter? You don't like my wife's cooking?
I can't lift my arms.
(LAUGHTER)
Can you move it? Not much.
I can go, like, to right about there. That's it?
Yeah, that's it. Right there, yeah. You're sure?
I can't even move it past that.
You dislocated your shoulder.
You have to go to the hospital.
Last time I went to the hospital,
it actually cost me more than I made in the fight,
so you got to help me.
But I would have to reset it.
Look, whatever you got to do, then make it happen.
All right. All right.
Okay, you got to go easy first. No, no, no.
Okay.
Foot not going there. All right, all right.
No, you're right. You're right. I just got to find
the right angle over here. (SCOTT GROANING)
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Come on.
Okay, okay, you're going to be all right.
You're going to be all right. You can't go above.
Okay, okay, that's past the level
that I just said I can't go, though, okay'?
Geez!
I'm sorry. Don't worry.
You're going to be all right. Okay.
You're going to be okay. Okay. Okay.
Now, I just got to get in here.
Easy, okay? I have to get in there.
(GROANS) That hurts. All right?
You ready? Yeah.
Always wanted to try this.
Try this? What do you mean? You've never done this...
(SCREAMING)
Are you okay?
Oh, my...
Are you okay? It's back in, I think.
(LAUGHING) on!
I did it! I did it!
I was a little worried, but I did it.
Oh, I'm good, I'm good.
That was fun, no?
No.
A little jambalaya for mama? No?
No, get away... Get away from me, you crazy woman.
Good night, Scott.
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
Voss.
My office. Now.
BETCHER: Come on in.
Close the door.
Sit down.
I'd like you to meet Malia's father, Mr. De La Cruz.
How are you?
Who the hell do you think you are, Mr. Voss?
Telling my daughter to disobey me?
(STAMMERING) I didn't say that.
I said... I said that...
BETCHER: And is it true you're getting paid to fight?
It's Mixed Martial Arts.
What's this all about?
It's about our teachers not promoting dangerous situations.
Look, it's a sport.
It's no more dangerous than boxing or auto racing.
And believe me, I wouldn't be doing it
if you'd been doing your job.
Did you really think that you could save
the music program by doing this?
I'm just trying to make things better.
You know what?
You're not making things better, Scott.
You're putting on a show.
You're getting beat up in your bathing suit.
You are embarrassing this school.
You know why I did this in the first place?
Because a wise man once said,
"Without music, life would be a mistake."
Yeah, and do you know who that wise man is?
Marty Streb, the teacher you're trying to get rid of.
Scott...
There's nothing here anymore. We're failing your daughter.
We need good teachers.
Yeah, well, fighting in a cage is not going to make you
a good teacher, Scott. You know, maybe you're right.
I'm not even that good of a fighter.
I'm out there getting my ass kicked.
Believe me, this wasn't Plan A,
but I don't know what else to do.
Look, you're having a tough time with your business.
I get it.
But you can't take it out on Malia.
Mr. De La Cruz, I'm sorry that you had to listen to any of this.
No, no, no.
It's all right. What do you suggest I do, Mr. Voss?
My chef left.
That means I'm in the back cooking.
Sol need my daughter up front.
It sucks, okay? Nobody's saying it doesn't.
But it's not your daughter's problem.
It's yours.
BETCHER: No. You're the problem, Scott.
This is none of your business. None of your business.
I've had it with you!
You know what? We should be working
as hard in here as you do out there.
And I'm sorry, but we're not.
And that is the problem.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have a class to teach.
And then I got to roll around
with a sweaty guy from Holland.
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
Whoa. What's going on, Mr. Voss?
Biology, Derrick.
Fair enough.
Can someone tell me what happens when a cell stagnates?
(CONVERSATION CONTINUES)
Okay, no one is listening to me.
I will try again.
Anyone know what happens to a stagnant cell?
What's he doing on the table?
I don't know, something about cells.
Malia.
It's not good.
(CONVERSATION STOPS)
Did you hear that?
It ain't good.
People, a cell that is not in motion
is not a productive member of the system.
It ends up assuming all the other cells
are gonna pick up the slack somewhere.
But they don't.
In fact, they imitate the stray cell
until basically the whole organism begins to die.
(STUDENTS CHUCKLE)
Yeah.
But you know what?
Biology is an amazing thing.
And here's the good news, all that decays
can be restored.
Is this hitting anybody?
Like how a cut heals.
Brian, my man.
Look, you got one! (STUDENTS MURMUR)
And once that cell's back on track,
it creates energy amongst the other cells.
That's what happens.